Carbon Abatement Failure Prompts New Strategies: Human Clones With Gills

With the failure of carbon abatement strategies after the collapse of COP 15 and resistance to any further United Nations meetings on climate change, scientists and academics gathered in California to determine alternate ways to manage climate systems in the face of a warming planet.

The result: There are no easy solutions in a post-carbon-abatement world with no government involvement but perhaps meeting to devise guidelines and norms for new approaches in climate intervention research is the first step.

“This is an urgent meeting of the world’s top climate change experts, because if we can no longer meet under the auspices of the United Nations, meetings must nevertheless continue, because the issue is too important, at least to some,” says Prof. Quincy Adams Wagstaff, the recently installed president of Huxley University in Dipswitch, CA.

More than two hundred renowned scientists and researchers from the world’s leading academic institutions, environmental groups, and policy think tanks, led by Wagstaff, are convening this week to debate the risks and social implications of research on climate intervention, which is also called geoengineering.

“That’s a fancy word that’s sure to get us the funding we need for what we estimate will be a need for at least 10 years of applied research on this topic, especially at the social level,” he says. “At this point, we’re taking every suggestion, from the ridiculous to the sublime, seriously.

One idea that’s gaining serious traction is a proposal to shift major coastal populations inland, by at least 25 to 50 miles. “Basically, it’s a logistics and housing problem, but doable,” Wagstaff says. It would also have the side benefit of stimulating the housing and real estate markets while creating thousands of new jobs, he adds. “We call this the Smooth Move, proving that embracing climate change, rather than trying to slow or prevent it will be good for the economy.”

An entirely different tack is suggested by Dr. Won Fat Lai, Professor Emeritus of Beijing University’s Darwin Chair for Climate Change. He’s residing at Dipswitch on a long-term Huxley ‘Brave New World’ grant.

“In addition to geoengineering, I’m focusing my research on matrix genomic engineering,” Won says. He cites the example of the zebra mollusk and how quickly it is able to adapt and even thrive in entirely new water-based biospheres and climates. “If we can isolate and apply the bio-mechanism used so easily by the zebra mollusk un adapting to climate extremes to the human species, we could create a whole new race of gilled and finned super-humans prepared for whatever challenges climate change has to offer.”

The key, says Won, would be to “accelerate human evolutionary development dramatically, which would of course require extensive testing on human and cloned subjects.

“Like the 10-year crash program to land men on the Moon that was so successful in the 1960s, I envision a 10-year program to place the next chapter of humankind squarely in tune with climate change. Bwahahahahh!”

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