April fool 2011 :-)
In what might be one of the most remarkable about-faces ever to come from within the beltway, James Inhofe, Senator and minority ranking member of the Environment and Public Works Committee (R. OKLA), apologized to a stunned Senate chamber for calling climate change the “greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people.”
“It’s time for leadership in Washington on climate change,” said Inhofe. “To date, I have been an obstacle to that leadership, and that changes today.”
A confused and bewildered Republican leadership called for the Senate Sargent at Arms to restore order – “this man is not who he says he is!” cried Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell, accusing Inhofe of being a liberal hollywood stunt double carrying out an evil socialist plot. The befuddled McConnell then made a choking sound, suddenly blurting out the word “Hitler!”
Inhofe tried to reassure and calm his colleagues. Turning to McConnell he said, “Calm down Mitch, it’s really me. I’m no Hitler, nor is Obama or any of my colleagues on the left. It’s time we stopped this hurtful and dangerous rhetoric and worked to solve problems. Global warming and a new energy economy are now at the top of my list.”
At that McConnell collapsed on the Senate floor and and was rushed to the hospital.
Undaunted, Senator Inhofe continued:
“My behavior and judgement has been in grave error regarding the reality and urgency of global warming – climate change – and the validity of the science,” said Inhofe, “and I owe my constituents, all Americans, and most especially my grandchildren, an apology.”
I also owe the climate science community an apology,” he added. “Climate scientists in this country are some of the brightest, most patriotic and courageous people you’ll find and I’ve done them a disservice in my efforts to keep ‘climate gate’ alive.”
OMG Inhofe’s gone rouge. Or I’ve lost my mind. Or he’s lost his mind. tweet me, think I just transmuted into alt universe. Not real…
“OMG” a flummoxed Barbara Boxer, erstwhile nemesis to Inhofe, tweeted her chief of staff. “Inhofe’s gone rouge. Or I’ve lost my mind. Or he’s lost his mind. Tweet me, think I just transmuted into alt universe. Not real…”
“We need to listen more to the scientists and base our policy decisions on their good work,” continued Inhofe.
“But, but… why?” implored an obviously weakened Senator and minority whip Jon Kyle.
“I did it because I don’t like Al Gore,” admitted Inhofe. “After all, does anybody really like Gore?”
After a brief moment of awkward silence, with most Senators staring sheepishly at their desks, Inhofe yielded the remainder of his time.
The Senator later told reporters he will fully support legislation to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and urge his colleagues to enact aggressive incentives for renewable energy research and development focusing on solar, wind, and advanced biofuel energy.
“Fossil energy is the way of the past,” he told reporters. “The future of this country lay in the new energy economy.”
Video crews were able to capture the sight of pigs flying in the sky over the Capital building.
Image credit: irregulartimes.com